I've been going back and forth in my mind about what I wanted to share in my second blog post, until today. Everything that I wanted to say became crystal clear when I climbed back into my car after hearing an amazing sermon from an amazing young minister that he titled, "An Old Saint's Prayer", and standing in a line that had formed at one of the exit doors to hug a young man who had just asked for prayers and shared that he had only six weeks to live. I had seen him before in passing but today like so many others, I wanted to do more than just say hello, I wanted to hug him and I did.
A few things about yesterday. (1) I struggled to come up with three things that I was grateful for to write in my daily gratitude journal despite having so many blessings each day and a phone full of gratitude pics to remind me to be grateful. (2) The daily reading from my "Fear Less Pray More" devotional reminded me that I have more yesterdays than tomorrows. (3) Yesterday's daily story from Dr. Bertice Berry with a reminder to pay attention to the aging process because time is filled with swift transitions.
A few things about today. (1) I acknowledged, yet again, that at times I am still a ten-year old little girl "fighting my faith" just trying to understand the trauma that I experienced as a little girl. On days like yesterday, it's sometimes hard for me to see the blessings through the pain of remembering."Fighting my faith" was something that I heard Courtney B. Vance say in an interview about his book "The Invisible Ache - Black Men Identifying Their Pain and Reclaiming Their Power", which I'm reading now. (2) I became keenly aware that at seventy years old, I certainly have more yesterdays than tomorrows and that time is indeed filled with swift transitions. I'm aware also that at seventy years old, "fighting my faith" is exhausting and I want to done fighting. (3) One scripture from today was, "Even when I am old and gray, God, do not abandon me. Then I will proclaim your power to another generation, your strength to all who are to come." Psalm 71:18
I don't fear growing old, what I fear is growing old without enjoying and being grateful for the journey. I continue to be a work in progress and likely will be until my last tomorrow and one day I'll tell a story about "how I got over, over, my soul look back and wonder how I got over."
I really had to put by big girl pants on for this one. Here we go..........
Marilyn
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